- Sunday, 29 September 2013

Is cheating something everybody knows is happening but no one is talking about it?

New business ideas crop up everyday to help stop people who are cheating from being discovered. From private agencies that pay your staff (hotels, restaurants, transport) when traveling to make sure your wife or husband doesn’t find out where you have been, to the privacy settings on all the dating sites such as allowing you to not use your real name, and so on and so forth.
It is kind of... mmm... how to explain... somewhere in between disgusting and funny!

It is obvious that some couples cheat on each other, whether because they get bored or they just feel attracted to other people, but everyone seems not to be looking at it or even speaking about it!

According to statistics 50% of people cheat...

Statistics are great, but let’s think about our own real life experiences. I have never been cheated on and have never cheated on anyone. Yet now I think what if this isn’t true? What’s the difference if I don’t know?

We don’t really care unless the other person finds out! Just think of an example: you steal something, or cheat on someone; if they don’t find out, will you ever really feel bad? Just to note, some people will of course, but what about the majority?
We just care about what other people think of us, but if we do something we do it for a reason, and usually we won’t feel that bad about it.

My question now is do you enjoy the time you spend with your partner? Isn’t that the most important thing?
What happens if they go out and kiss/sleep with another person, but when they come back home they treat you and talk to you the same way as always, they show you as much love as usual and you have as much fun with them as usual? Does it really matter what that person did the night before? Are we not about living the present?

We are following such rare societal rules.

Can you not love more than one person at the same time?
Can you not feel attracted to more than one person at the same time?
Why do some countries have polygamous cultures, where marriage includes more than two partners?

What do we really have inside ourselves?

Please don’t get me wrong, I am NOT condoning cheating or any specific culture. I am promoting managing our thoughts, living in the present, respecting other ways of living and thinking without following all these rules that society has put in our minds - unless you like and enjoy them of course!

Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle.
"Monogamy is invented for order and investment – but not necessarily because it's 'natural."

Have a great day/ night!


  1. A great deal of the "badness" that is supposed to be around having more than on partner relates to perception. A starting point is the language used when talking about it, the term "cheat" is very negative for example. Society, religion, the state have all served top reinforce the stigmas, even when as you say > 50% admit it. What about those that think about it but don't act? I'm sure that would put it closer to 95% or more.
    It's a strange world, but love matters much more than a unnatural notion of monogamy.
    Love all you can.

  2. Thank you very much for your contribution with your comment, I think this is definitely helping to understand the article better and bringing the vocabulary discussion, very smart! ;)
    As you said the words we use, what are these words? Should we start to speak in another ways? For example lets say, instead of "cheating", "the person I have fun with sometimes when my wife/ husband doesnt give me what I need..." How did it sound?