Why do we tend to remember the wrong things?
What a question, right? Now, being an analytical person, I could ask but what is wrong? And do we always remember them?
This is such a lie already! We make so many assumptions in life all the time, it’s crazy!!
Ok now let me write what I was going to write if that’s alright with you.
Is it because we are looking for a good person to be with our kids? Have you ever thought about this?
Obviously in our subconscious mind kids are somewhere. They already occupy a space before they are born, even for women that don’t want to have any.
In the same way that we all see the mistakes in a theatre show, we remember when a guy wrongs us (women). In lesbian cases I would need to investigate this a bit more…
For example, your boyfriend sleeps with another woman while you are away travelling, and then you find out (it would not make sense if you didn’t find it out in this scenario as if you didn’t know you wouldn’t even be angry or anything similar).
Even if the guy justifies it and says he loves you more than anyone else, which is probably true, you will never forget - unless you really want to forget and carry on with your life. For some reason girls don’t really want to forget about it and want to keep bringing it up every single time the opportunity arises. Also, even if you think you trust the guy and you love him the same as before, something has changed inside you, and that voice doesn’t go away.
My ex-boyfriend lied to me just once. He only went to have a drink with his ex-girlfriend, but OMG, did I go crazy!!!
Yeah you will NEVER return to the “right state*”! Sorry for the bad news.
Of course, I’m only joking about that example! This only happens because you still have to work on yourself, work on your personality, work on your self-confidence and remove any insecurities you may have in terms of being alone and all the other stuff that bothers girls often (and also guys too, let me point this out!)
When you get to that point, even your boyfriend cheating on you won’t make you feel as bad as it has done until now, as you know that it only happened because something was missing in the relationship; because he was not honest with you, because he got drunk, because you were not paying him enough attention, because of whatever it may be. The actual reason is not that important.
So why not talk to him, see what’s going on, then just decide if you want to still be with him or find someone more interesting, instead of making a drama about it or thinking that he must have cheated on you more times. Finding out if he cheated at other times too won’t really help anything.
When the results are the same after an action, save your energy. You don’t need to ask, investigate, answer a question, or think bad thoughts.
So coming back to the question: Is it because we are looking for a good person to be with our kids?
- “The thing is, I know he would be a good father!”
- “I can imagine him being the father of my kids”
I have heard these so many times. Let’s see, “he would be a good father” - how many “good fathers” can we find? How many fathers can we actually imagine? It’s kind of like when we say: “oh if he were just a little bit more romantic it would be perfect”, or instead “if he were less romantic it would be perfect!” But then you’d change your mind once you got that perfection, wouldn’t you?
We tend to want something different to what we have, so we keep looking for something else. I am not someone who’ll just accept “anything” and I like to be conscious about my research and conscious of my changing attitudes in respect to guys. It would be great to actually realise that it is more about timing than anything else; more about the moment than even about the guy, or the thought of whether he’d be a “good father”. Look inside yourself and find what you need, you have all the answers there and also all the voices you could perhaps eliminate one day.
Yeah, so the fact is that unconsciously we are looking for the father of our kids, and yeah we want him to be sexy, smart, a good person, handsome, to have a strong personality, etc, etc.
My question, now thinking about timing again, is will all that really matter when my body & mind ask me for that man right this second?!
Any experiences from other women would be most welcome! :)
*This means, whatever is right for you. What is right? What is wrong?