- Sunday, 20 April 2014

The 'official' tag definitely affects us



Have you ever tried not discussing the boyfriend/girlfriend/special friend/wife/husband tag?

It might not affect everyone, but I am finding that in more and more cases it does!
The most important thing in any relationship from my point of view is having fun! What's the point of dating anyone if it’s not to have fun? Don’t waste your time or your friend's time by arguing, it’s not worth it!


People sometimes need to know what situation they are in with their partner/friend/whatever in order to feel safe! But, in fact, if we think about it, why do we need to know so much? Is it gonna improve the relationship, or it is gonna make it worse? Is it some sort of insecurity? Does it make us feel more secure if we know he/she is my boy/girlfriend?

Well in my opinion it should stay as it is... but in fact it does affect us!
When you say "do not touch that" or "do not do that" to a kid the first thing he or she is going to want to do is to do it! There’s no way he or she is going to say "ok, no problem, whatever you say mama" - (as always, there are exceptions). So in relationships it makes sense that it works in the same way. When we make a relationship official, I mean when we say "I am your boy/girlfriend", from that point on the relationship experiences some changes. From that moment, the commitment we are supposed to have stresses us out! We then start to not want to meet up with that person as much and we don’t always enjoy the time we spend together.

Why don't we tend to think in a different way? The people we meet in our lives are only ‘temporary friends’, or however you want to call them. They are not an obligation or people that we have to always stay in touch with! Sometimes distance, habits, hobbies, time passing and personality changes change the situation in different ways.

It doesn't mean that these people are not there; they will be always around, but enjoy people when you can, when they want to enjoy you, when the situation is favourable; you don’t have to promise love forever. Everybody is free and can make lasting decisions in his or her life at any time.

When you date somebody, either one of the two people (you or the other person) can decide to stop dating the other one and you/he or she will need to respect this decision as this person is absolutely free. 

When you think like this in a relationship, you will make an effort to keep it if you really care about it, but you will still have to respect the other person’s decision! So this thought might make the relationship worth it, even if it feels insecure at times - (if you feel like this perhaps it’s because you don't feel proud of yourself, or you fear losing this person, which will need to be reviewed; please let me know if you don't understand this part) - so both people will fight for it and enjoy every minute together because neither knows how long it will last!

It doesn’t mean that "you don't have to speak" about the situation you are in at the moment, or "how you feel". Obviously communication is key! Just find someone who needs the same as you and be ready for changes!

It doesn't mean "do not get married", it means even if you do, be ready for changes and both your partner and you be aware of your decision freedom.

It does sound super uncertain, but yeah life is uncertain and as soon as we accept that our lives will be easier!

Hope this makes sense for all of you!





Note: I didn't forget about our hormones today! Just giving them a break! ;)

Thanks for reading!

Nerea

2 comments:

  1. Really good advice, specially with men's.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Victor! Thanks for your feedback, happy to know its useful! :)

    ReplyDelete