- Friday, 24 October 2014

How confident does a man have to be?

This is what one of our best readers said: "You said that women don´t like men with too much confidence, so I want to ask you about the meaning, with examples and everything you can provide".

Confidence, this is the topic of today. 

First question.
What do you mean by being confident? Is this the same as feeling confident? What is it that you want? 
Do you wanna show yourself as confident to get the girl independently of how you feel inside? Or you wanna become a confident person? And let yourself go, be yourself, a confident man?

Because seriously I can teach you how to look confident, or even Wikihow which is one of the most "interesting" sites I have ever read can also help you, they are not too wrong.

If you want to become a puppet go for it, but make sure you are okay about attracting a puppet. Unless you are a GREAT actor, this may not really work. Body language is POWERFUL, it is, but if you use your body but feel shit inside it shows. Girls usually have a really good sense of emotions, so however you feel inside, independently of what you say or how you act, they may notice how you really feel; sorry for the news! Sometimes they don´t say it because they think it's sweet, but they are probably catching you out on your lies... Just so you know. Of course these are generalizations, not true for everyone.

How do you do that?
You know better than anyone how you can get there. So take few minutes to answer this:
When have you ever felt confident before and how did you get there?
Can you do more of that?

Overcoming my fears really helped me, overcoming my expectations, usually we, people/humans have some auto-imposed limitations where we basically think we can not do this or that because we are (...) shy, or not creative, or not confident, yes all these labels we all have (sorry not me) but you ;)

When you do something you thought you could not do, BAAAM! Suddenly that limitation is gone and your opportunities increase! You start believing that you can do anything and trust me that REAL CONFIDENCE shows. You become someone else you could not even imagine and so your confidence increases. You act naturally confident. Exampleeeee if you are afraid to approach the most beautiful girl ever, then you have to go for it, ASAP. If you are not afraid of doing this but are afraid of talking to a stranger on the street, then you have to go for it. If you are afraid or uncomfortable of dancing in front of a stranger looking at his/her eyes, then you have to go for it, as many times as needed. If you are afraid of telling your friend you don´t want to meet him/her, then you have to go for it until you are not scared or uncomfortable anymore in that situation. That will translate in ALL areas of your life including dating, AS CONFIDENCE usually brings a better outcome.

There is a FINE LINE between being confident and being an "asshole", I think all of you know the meaning of this world, if not just ask someone (not me please).

There is a little confusion with these concepts sometimes, where being confident means being stupid and arrogant. I think once you understand the differences you will not pass that fine line anymore.

How I would describe a confident person:

No doubts when talking, great straight posture, loud voice, fast decision making or at least not changing his mind 3 times in the next 2 mins to choose a restaurant! Ok this last one, if it happens to girls is kind of ok, but to guys?? No way! But what REALLY shows confidence is CONGRUENCY, independently of what you are saying! Your body says the same as mouth and your feelings, basically. If you say "I like you" make sure that is how you feel, instead say "I kind of like you" which may sound more congruent, does that make sense?

If you need more examples please ask!

Other extra points here:

If you are doubting, doubt with confidence, just say, "I am not sure, really" and respect that fact, be proud about it! But if you say "I am not sure" feeling guilty or stupid about, that will obviously show. Being confident does not mean being sure about everything and knowing or showing that you know most of the things, but if you don´t know something be proud about it, respect that fact and smile when saying, "I have no clue, I would like to learn" and then you will have learnt something new!

I think the best way will be if I record myself giving you some examples, but yeah step by step...

In conclusion, it is not what you say, but HOW you say it. And again, please don´t forget that FINE LINE where can potentially become an arrogant ass *ole.
Practically, if you understand what confidence means for you and ask yourself how can I FEEL confident most of the time but not be too confident, I am sure you will come up with great solutions.

Please anything that is not clear or if you need more examples just ask!

Thank you,



  1. Wikihow make me laugh hahaha

  2. hahahaha well I am not sure who could not laugh about it! :P