- Wednesday, 21 January 2015

How to propose a date?

The last request I have had is "how to propose a date" by one of our followers.


And as I sometimes do, I will double check what internet says before I write. Of course I found WikiHow (http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-for-a-Date). 

Seriously, I wouldn´t go there. I found many Step by Step articles of "How to ask for a Date" and yes I can just post them on here so you can see them, as for example (http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/how-to-ask-someone-out-on-a-date/#.VKu-cLv5juc) However, this is not my usual approach to this Blog, or to life, so I will go with my "advice". I put advice between quotation marks because I don´t believe much in giving advice, instead, I believe in asking or finding out the "right" way for yourself.

Here are the comments of the follower mentioned above...
"I normally can manipulate a conversation to create a situation where I can invite a girl to hang out with her alone, meet her and then, allow both of us to check if we are interested in each other. Very easy, and full control.

However, when I know that I like a girl, and I want to propose a DATE, my overconfident falls and I'm kind of a mess. I'm pretty sure they just accept because I look "cute". An amazing technique haha but I miss to have the control :P"



Let´s go for it!
With the information I have here, the first thing I would ask you is: How do you get to that point where you are "kind of a mess"? And what do exactly mean by being "a mess"?


As in - what is your thought process to become a mess? Where the messy party starts? What thoughts come to your mind specifically? This is important because if we find where everything starts we can then work on it. You may have some voices, telling you something like, "Here is when you start becoming a mess..." which catalyses the change in your behaviour. Or "Now, you have to ask her right now!"  which is probably too much pressure, or "She/ he is too beautiful for you" which I am sure is not the case if you double check it, or even "what if she says no?" well you won´t die! Or any other thoughts that make you become that "mess" and I put it into quotation marks because I know how sweet a man can be when he is a "mess"!

Now, for the second question of what do you exactly mean by a mess I meant that. Be more specific so that we can find what exactly you want to improve. "I don´t say the right words" (give examples), or "My voice become shaky", "I become red"... etc. The fact  is, just because you regard these things as a mess, doesn´t mean she will.



The last one - THE NEW FOCUS. How would "the perfect" look like? How would the things that are not working now look like if they did work?

If you focus on "the mess" then you will only create  more mess. It´s like when you buy a car and suddenly you keep seeing that exact same car  everywhere! Its not that everyone has just bought it! Its because you now have it in your head. Focusing on how things should look and what things you have to improve will definitely help! So let´s do it.


Feel free to share your answers Victor, and anyone else who feels like this has helped. You can also email me on itsnotmeitsmyhormones@gmail.com

Thank you for reading!
Nerea

1 comment:

  1. Hi! Thank you for the article,

    The thing is that, the very few times that I wanted to ask for a date straight away, was because the girl is kind of remarkable: kind, funny, extremely confident about herself and still humble.

    Someone that in my opinion, could be with whoever she wants, and that somehow, I quickly realize that I want she to be part of life so:

    - If afraid she feels uncomfortable, and we can´t even be friends. ¨Should I really ask her out?¨
    - I feel uncomfortable for not be sure about what to say. ¨Is this the right way/word?¨.

    Normally my ´strategy´ is to make the girl feels like the best version of herself, and I usually do that with everyone, so I don´t have to make any plan. Of course, tons of times I say the wrong sentence, but I think that realize quickly, so the words tent to come easily out of my mouth, and I feel confident.

    -And that brings me to the next though, ¨Why she should accept?¨ I´m tall and I have a dress style that matches with me, but I´m not hot or something. Of course, I know that I´m good making other people confident and happy, but if she attracts me, is because she does need that so much.

    So at the end, of course, my voice do become shaky, and my face become red, and for now, you´re right, and they were agree because I look different and cute, their words, not mine, but I don´t like it haha

    Anyway, just after doing this, I realize that I should try somehow, to focus my speech on that I don't want she gets mad or unconformable, and just wait for the best, but OMG is hard.

    I prefer the ´manipulation´ techniques haha

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